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Letter from Lhasa, number 273. Break the Cycle of Manipulation!

Letter from Lhasa, number 273. Break the Cycle of Manipulation!

by Roberto Abraham Scaruffi

Braiker, H. B., Who's Pulling Your Strings? How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life, McGraw-Hill, 2004.

(Braiker 2004).

Harriet B. Braiker

http://www.thediseasetoplease.com

The basic message of this work is gaining some safety distance from other people, from external situations and, I would add, also from ourselves, for avoiding the traps of manipulation and self-manipulation. Manipulation is not only against our interests and our mental and physical health, but, finally, also against the same interests of the manipulators. It is anyway against the interests of the people near us, being them manipulators, or direct or indirect victims/targets.  

It is never too early to break a manipulation dynamics, if already started, or to avoid it if there are the symptoms of its starting. The manipulator is always an ill person, and even more ill when he/she fells invested with some superior and external source of power.

According to (Braiker 2004), this is the list of vulnerabilities of a manipulatable person:

@ Button No. 1: You Have the Disease to Please—People-Pleasing Habits and Mind-Sets.

@ Button No. 2: You Are Addicted to Earning the Approval and Acceptance of Others.

@ Button No. 3: You Have “Emotophobia”—Fear of Negative Emotions.

@ Button No. 4: Lack of Assertiveness and an Inability to Say No.

@ Button No. 5: The Vanishing Self.

@ Button No. 6: Low Self-Reliance.

@ Button No. 7: External Locus of Control.

How to deal with a manipulator? Simply, let him/her alone with his/her own illness. Ignore him/her. Avoid him/her.

According to (Braiker 2004), the usual suspects of manipulation are:

= the Machiavellian personality,

= the narcissistic personality disorder,

= the borderline personality disorder,

= the dependent personality disorder,

= the histrionic personality disorder,

= passive-aggressive personalities.

= type A angry [high-stress] personalities,

= the con or antisocial personality disorder,

= addictive personalities.

All these characteristics may be found in Secret Police officers and in Statesmen using them for all the form of State Terrorism (massacres, creation and management of terrorism groups, creation and management of mafia families and organizations, assassinations, State/government organized stalking or other persecutions, world terrorism, permanent war, etc etc), and, of course, also in people cooperating with them just they ask for.

Actually, there is not any real border between the manipulator and the manipulated. A manipulator is a manipulated. And a manipulated is a manipulator. The two aspects are linked from the same incurable pathologies. When a manipulated person asks for the help of a specialist, it is because he/she wants to be manipulated from a specialist telling him/her what to do.      

When is a person more vulnerable to manipulation (Braiker 2004, 115-116)? When one is in transition, making some significant life-change, thinking about a life-change in motion, has just suffered a substantial loss, being in a period of increased instability and uncertainty. Actually, a normal and vital human being is always ‘in transition’!    

The final spice, for facing manipulation, is a bit of courage. Frequently people have not it. A manipulator does not need your pity, not even your contempt! Coldly liquidate him/her! 

Braiker, H. B., Who's Pulling Your Strings? How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life, McGraw-Hill, 2004. 

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Atualizado em: Seg 27 Ago 2012

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